Who comes first in the Bible: wife or child?

In the Bible, who comes first, wife or child?

Introduction

As Christians, we acknowledge that God comes first in everything.

The place of God cannot be overemphasized in our daily lives and relationships, and there is hardly any dispute about it as believers.

However, in the family, the spouse and children demand attention, and many find it difficult to know the order of priority.

Should the spouse come first?

Should the child take more of the attention?

What does God say about this, and is there any clue as to the correct order of priority in the family in the Bible?

Let’s take a walk.

The Family

The family is the most essential unit after the individual.

It is the foundation of the society, and the state of the family goes a long way in determining the state of the society at large.

In the Bible, the importance of the family is not undermined.

The twelve tribes of Israel stemmed from a family.

Nations arose from families, and quite a number of events in history had a basis in families.

The foundation of the family consists of three parties: the husband, the wife, and the children.

A family made of only these three parties is called a nuclear family.

However, a family can include relatives such as uncles, aunts, grandparents, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, and cousins. This kind of family is referred to as an extended family because there is an extension from the foundational three parties.

God places a lot of emphasis on the family because it serves as the primary way in which God’s truth is taught and passed down.

In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we read of how Moses commanded the Israelites to pass down the commands of God to the children.

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7: ESV).

Now that the importance of the family has been established, what exactly is the order of the family in God’s eyes?

Who comes first among the different parties in a family?

Who comes first in the Bible: wife or child?

The Bible gives us the general principle of the order of the family. In Genesis 2:18, God saw that man being alone was not good, and in verses twenty-one to twenty-two, He formed the woman and brought her to the man.

Verse twenty-four reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24: ESV).

According to this passage, which Jesus Christ quotes again in Matthew 19:5-6 and Mark 10:8, the man forms a new family separate from his parents by cleaving to his wife. Just like a new cell is formed upon mitosis or meiosis, a new family begins with marriage: the marriage of a man and a wife.

Children come upon the sexual union of a man and a woman; according to God, this man and woman should ideally be married.

The children are gifts from God (Psalms 127:3-5). “Be fruitful and multiply” was a blessing God gave to the first man and woman (Genesis 1:28).

This blessing extends to all marriages by God.

The Bible shows in many places that it is God’s will for children to be born.

He promises in Deuteronomy 7:14 that none shall be barren among His people.

This He fulfilled in the lives of women who were called barren: Sarah (Genesis 17:16), Hannah (1 Samuel 1:20), Manoah’s wife (Judges 13:3), and so on.

With that said, we will be studying some Bible passages to understand the biblical order of the family.

In Ephesians 5:23, Paul tells us that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church.

He repeats this in 1 Corinthians 11:3.

Though many misinterpret this passage to mean that all men are overall women, Paul was referring to a marriage structure. The man in the marriage is the head of his wife, not the head of all women.

Reading on to the following verses from Ephesians 5:23, Paul mentions the wife next.

The man’s first priority should be his wife.

He is to love her as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

Both the husband and the wife have different responsibilities to each other and to their child/children. But their first responsibility, after God, is to themselves.

Putting your wife first, however, doesn’t mean that you should love your children less.

It doesn’t mean that your wife is given more attention than your children. Just as loving God doesn’t mean that you must love your spouse any less, prioritizing your wife first doesn’t mean that you neglect your children.

The children need attention and grooming from both father and mother.

The father is meant to instruct his child/children in the way of the Lord (Genesis 18:19, Proverbs 1:8, Proverbs 6:20, Ephesians 6:4). The role as the head of the family involves piloting the direction the family should go when it comes to values and character.

As a husband, your wife is there before the children, and her place shouldn’t be displaced upon their arrival.

At the marriage ceremony, the man is called the bridegroom.

This title is significant as it shows the role of the man to his bride.

Jesus Christ is called the Bridegroom and the church His bride (Matthew 9:15, Revelation 22:17).

As Christ grooms the church to present it to Himself glorious (Ephesians 5:27), so also is the husband meant to groom his wife, treating her as he would treat his own body (Ephesians 5:28).

He is to treat her with honor. Mistreatment of the wife by the husband could lead to unanswered prayers (1 Peter 3:7).

In the eyes of God, the husband and wife are one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

The husband and wife are one. Therefore, they both should be the first priority to themselves. Putting your spouse first is equal to putting yourself first.

This is the ideal, ordained order within the family.

The children come next after the spouse.

In Proverbs 22:6, the child is meant to be trained for their future as adults.

This training comes from both the father and the mother, with the father at the helm of the affairs in the home.

While talking about the qualities a man must possess to be chosen for the office of a bishop in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, being able to rule over his home is considered.

A great amount of a child’s character and values are formed by what they have learned from their parents. The father is to love and train his children and not to provoke them (Ephesians 6:4).

Benefits of following the Biblical order of family 

Walking in God’s will

By following the biblical principle of the family order, you are aligning yourself with the will of God.

Putting your wife first is aligning with God’s ordained relationship between husband and wife, by them being one flesh.

It means that God (and His Word) has His proper place in the home as the center of the Union and the personal Lord of the individuals in it. This glorifies God.

Ensures a happy home

When the biblical order of the family is followed, especially in the details of following the biblical roles for each arm of the family, it fosters a healthy and happy marriage and home in general.

This will help the individuals thrive in all areas because the will of God is being obeyed.

Educates the children

As mentioned earlier, the family is the primary place where children learn and develop values they will carry into adulthood.

When the children watch the relationship between their parents, they learn how a spouse is to be treated.

Treating your wife with love and respect, nurturing her as you would nurture yourself, demonstrates a godly marriage and serves as a good example to your children.

Children adapt faster to what they see than what they are told.

When they see their parents being United, they learn how to treat their future spouses and how they should be treated in return.

What is the conclusion of the matter?

The one who is meant to be given importance first in your home must be God.

In Matthew 10:37, Jesus Christ says that anyone who loves their family over Him is not worthy of Him.

Those who build their home’s foundation upon the dictation of their family members rather than God are building upon quicksand; only God is a rock-solid foundation that stands (Luke 6:47-48, 2 Timothy 2:19).

After God, your wife comes next.

She is one flesh with you and, therefore, on the same pedestal of importance as yourself.

Your child (or children) comes (come) next. They deserve your love and attention as they grow.

You are to teach them the way of the Lord and the place of God in their daily lives.

Either your wife or your child should not be deprived of your attention.

Find the balance in being both a husband and a father with the help of the Holy Spirit, and you will enjoy a smoother running of the family as God wants for you.

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